(Urp) I DID THIS FOR YOU.

I took the bait, I bought the premise, and, well, I got a free coupon in the mail for a free KFC Double Down, the much-hyped and pre-maligned chicken sandwich without the bun that melts two slices of Monterrey Jack cheese (one plain, one pepper-jack), two strips of bacon and some "Colonel's Sauce" between two boneless chicken breasts. And then wraps it up in flimsy french fry bag because, you know, it's just what we've been asking for!!!

WHO exactly asked for this chicken Hindenburg? What twisted focus group designed this "specialty sandwich"?

I couldn't get anyone at Yum Brands to answer that question. They're the parent company for KFC, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut and Long John Silver's. And nowhere on their corporate website could I find any practical explanation for the Double Down.

SO what the hell, we just took a bite (first I blessed myself three times, just to be on the safe side). The slippery mess did smell like a bucket of KFC chicken, which is not a bad thing, and the twin fried breasts did look as good as a fried chicken breast can look. And the chicken itself was fine, in fact, quite good. But when you reach that melted mess in the middle, well, it just ruined it for me. Pepper jack, garlicy mayonaise and barely bacony bacon did nothing to advance this past some sorry stoner's idea of food: grilled cheese meets fried chicken meets bacon cheeseburger with a little touch of jalapenos.

I just couldn't get past three bites when the cheese and bacon and mayo hit my mouth. They just ruined what were once nicely fried boneless chicken. Yech. I can't imagine that the "grilled" version of this bad boy would taste any better. And no, I'm not going to try one to find out.

Thank God I did this for you. Really. Just thank God.